Translation:
Do not marry polytheist females until they believe (in God)—a believing maid is better than a polytheist (female) even though she (polytheist) may please you. (Similarly), do not marry polytheist males until they believe, and a believing servant is better than a polytheist male, even though he may please you. These (polytheists) draw you toward Hellfire while God invites you toward Heaven and forgiveness by His will. (In this way) He makes clear His messages to mankind so that they may become mindful! 109
They ask you about menstruation. Say, “It is harmful” (to a slight degree for sexual contact). Therefore, have no sexual contact until the period is over. Once the period is over, have sexual contact according to God’s guidance. God loves those who follow God’s guidance and those who keep themselves clean. 110
Interpretation:
109 Marriage as an institution is under attack from various angles in our world. During the time of the prophets, Muslims were in constant conflict with polytheists and people of other faiths and had to exercise caution in how they formed family unions through marriage in the formative stages of their own personal journeys as new Muslims and create the society based on the new Islamic values and principles. In today’s context, many Muslims live as minorities in various countries, and many Muslim countries have sizable communities of other faiths. In another place in the Qur’an, permission is given to Muslim men to marry women of the people of the Book (Jews and Christians) on the assumption, perhaps, that the children will take on the faith of the father and, hence, will be raised as Muslim. As Muslim women become more educated and assume independence (financially and otherwise) and as couples have a mutual understanding to raise children as Muslims, it is conceivable that a Muslim woman can also marry a man of the people of the Book. Nonetheless, with the best of intentions and the best of planning, it is bound to happen that there will be other marriage arrangements between a Muslim (man or woman) and someone of another faith. The key here is to exercise caution with regard to the belief and value system of the perspective spouse and ensure that there are no serious conflicts regarding faith and values. Our individual, familial, and collective responsibility is to be supportive and not condemnatory of such instances (as has been the case and in some quarters has even lead to serious personal injuries, primarily to Muslim women by their own Muslim families and societies) and to help people move toward believing and toward living as a family constantly seeking God’s guidance, irrespective of the actual faith, as long as there is a pervasive belief in God and His guidance (as there is in Christianity and Judaism).
110 In the Qur’an, God is always very upfront about all sexual issues, and so was the Prophet—no issue is so taboo that it cannot be discussed. This should be a good guide for many Muslim families in which sexual discussion is shunned, only to the detriment of the couple and their children. The menstrual cycle creates a surge of hormones in the female body, and the actual menstrual period is very uncomfortable for women, both physically and psychologically, for very many different reasons which are well documented now. Sexual relations during menstruation can lead to infection for both parties and increased bleeding and emotional harm to women. At a time and in a society where male domination was overbearing and any concern for women’s sexuality was nonexistent, the Qur’an established a precedence to consider women’s physical and mental conditions as a prerequisite for sexual contact. Whether or not sexual contact during menstruation is forbidden or discouraged may not be clear from this Qur’anic verse, but what is clear, through analogy and extrapolation, is that one’s wife should be physically and mentally ready and willing before the husband engages in sexual intercourse.
Too often, Qur’anic discussion on the differences between males and females are taken in the wrong contexts, both by conservatives who find such verses to indicate female inferiority and by liberals who find such verses to be examples of male chauvinism. We need to reflect on these types of verses with practical wisdom and keep in mind the essential principle that we (male or female) are all equal in the eyes of God and that we will all be rewarded or questioned based on the same set of principles and values enunciated in the Qur’an. Our physical differences, natural temperaments, and intellectual predispositions may create different sets of expectations and priorities, but they should not be construed as degrading to one party and favorable to the other, nor should they be used as excuses to limit opportunities or contributions to the overall good of society or to bringing about gender equality through deeper reflection and appreciation of male and female roles in society.
Reflection:
Islam is always suggestive of what is good for us in this life as well as in the Hereafter, and the priorities of these two worlds are consistent. One has to realize that only good deeds and faith in God will ensure success in both worlds. Islam attempts to harmonize and enhance our spiritual and physical well-being, and even the matter of sexual conduct is not off the table, since such matters do have implications for both our mental and physical well-being, which then affect our progress in life. Women historically and even today continue to bear a larger burden in raising children and caring for the family. For working women, this has become more acute, and proper understanding from men is going to be essential to continuing to sustain and nurture the institution of marriage and family life, which is the foundation for a healthy and progressive society.
Action:
Marriage is a major responsibility, and each and every Muslim, male and female, should be cognizant of that responsibility and take the necessary precaution not to ignore God’s guidance, as is reflected in this verse. But if someone fails to follow that guidance, compassion and understanding should be the norm and not condemnation, which benefits no one. With condemnation we lose the opportunity for continued guidance, our proper course of action.